For those of you who have been reading my blog over the last several years, you know that I tend to write a reflections type post near my birthday…..what I have learned, where I would like to go, etc. This year I have hit a numeric milestone (as many consider multiples of 5 “milestones”). Additionally, my birthday happened to fall the day before Yom Kippor when, as a Jew, my designated time of reflection is coming to an end. So I thought I would put some of my recognitions on my blog, making them public and making them more concrete.
I am now 45 years old. I am a happily married wife, mother of 3 amazing kids, have a frustratingly annoying but incredibly lovable dog, I live in an area where I feel happy and safe in a home I own with my family…..life really is good. I have the freedom to do much of what I want and explore endless possibilities. I smile and am happy most days, worry about my children nearly every day, and look forward to the new adventures of tomorrow. I spend too much time sitting around and doing nothing productive and try to find ways to avoid doing the things that I know must be done (like almost everyone I know).
I think the biggest thing I need to work on while I’m 45 is to find my organization again. I know I’ve been saying that for a while, but this time I really mean it (again). My house needs some serious work, both in terms of cleanliness and repair. There are some major household projects that we would like to take on, but we feel we can’t until we get some other things under control. We are planning a big trip to Mexico in about 5 months and we need to plan how to help Simon maneuver new experiences so he (and the rest of us) can enjoy the adventures.
What does that mean? It means living by the calendar. It means making my infamous detailed to-do lists again. It means keeping my promises to myself and to others. It means making more of an effort to be there for others. It means knowing when it’s time to say “No” when asked to be a volunteer for something or knowing that this is my opportunity to jump in with both feet. It means not feeling guilty when I know I’ve done my best, even if I have not been successful on the outside. It means recognizing that the effort is always worth at least as much as the result. It means setting realistic expectations. It means recognizing when my “realistic” expectations are anything but realistic.
Most important, it means taking time. Taking time to be a better mother…..a better wife…..a better friend……a better Jew……a better person……a better me.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to try to do!
I’m posting here because I need to put it down on “paper”, so to speak. I really need to stop and take a breath right now. Tomorrow Music Man is home from school because he has his annual physical in the morning and on Monday’s his program ends at noon. He’ll also be home on Tuesday because his program has no school that day (professional development, I suppose). We are preparing for placement meetings for kindergarten (x2) at the end of the month and beginning of March (I think). Ballerina has her annual physical on Thursday morning, but assuming she’s happy, I’m taking her to school once it’s done so I can get some things done. She also has an appointment with the specialist next week which will be an all day affair. And we’re planning on potty-training Music Man next weekend (since it’s a 3-day weekend and he has NO plans). These things are on top of my other obligations. My stress level is through the roof. My head feels like it’s going to EXPLODE!!!!!!!
This is a modified post of what I put on a Facebook Group I am in. After typing it all out, I realized I needed to sit down and write a blog post. That always seems to help me get myself more organized and get some perspective.
Everything I said in that first paragraph is true. All of these things are happening this month. We had the two school visits that I wrote about previously. We have heard the recommendation for Music Man, but Ballerina hasn’t been seen by the cluster representative so we don’t know if she will get the “green light” to enter the Early Learning Center (however, it seems that a negative response doesn’t carry the weight of a positive one). And to make things more stressful, Ballerina decides that this is the perfect time to develop Pink Eye so she was home from school on Thursday and Friday and we made a “quick” visit to an urgent care clinic since we couldn’t get an appointment at a convenient time with the pediatrician. Seriously…..my head is just POUNDING!!!!!
The truth is, this month really doesn’t contain much more than any other. It just seems that way because of these few extras. And this placement meeting is really weighing on me. It seems so important. I know that if we decide the placement isn’t correct, we can work to make changes so nothing is completely concrete. But it still feels that way. If we as a team make a decision that turns out to not be in their best interests, we can do something about it. And considering that the Early Learning Center is in our home school (the school they would be attending if they weren’t classified as “special needs”), we have told that both our kids “have priority”, should we need to transfer in during the year.
I am trying to live in the moment. I can’t spend their lives wishing time to pass because we are faced with a deadline. This month is the first time in quite a while that I find myself thinking this way. But I need to stop. We are seeing a HUGE explosion in Music Man right now. And Ballerina continues to amaze us with her pixie-ish ways.
I need to stop worrying and realize that we are all doing the right things. There isn’t a single day between now and Music Man’s meeting that is completely overwhelming — it just seems that way when we put it all together. So, I need to stop putting it together and take it one day at a time — one event at a time. This week we have the 2 physical exams (and we’ll squeeze in a haircut at some point) and Music Man will be home from school for a couple of days. There…..doesn’t that seem easier?
We’ll deal with the next chapter when it comes…..in just 5 days……